For years I craved the feeling of not having a “to do list” and that sound of complete, utter and pure blissful...silence.
But then when the moment came, my mind, my body would seek for busyness, to fill in the void.
I grew up believing that in order to be successful
working hard is the only answer.
If play came into it…there must be an outcome.
If I didn’t think I would succeed, I wasn’t interested in taking part, because losing was not a good feeling for me, or still is.
Determined to succeed and not feeling good enough, a regular working week became 50-60 hour weeks topped with daily high intensity workouts at the gym.
Let the game of life begin as I lived off adrenaline, sleep deprivation and a constant buzz. I wasn’t content unless I had burnt myself out! If my head wasn’t at the office or the gym, it would be on my phone. And isn’t that the reality for most of us?
But, the reality was I was making myself ill. I wasn’t in control of my life! And I wasn’t living my life!
So what have I learnt?
To take stock of what I have, what I am truly appreciative for, and what I want more of in my life.
I’m more mindful of when I am truly happy, and for what my success looks like.
I’m more in control of knowing how I feel, and what makes me happy.
To be aware of those niggles…that something doesn’t feel right here, moments of inspiration, time to reflect, take stock and think about the best course of action, or simply to refill the coffee cup of wellbeing.
Part of our spiritual growth is acceptance of how we feel. It may be easier to sweep the emotions under the carpet, avoid the pitfalls but the growth comes from doing the energy work of what holds us back from standing in our power.
So…do I still fear the pause button?
Well, I accept it will be the default position for me, but the benefits of slowing down, making space to reflect, listening to what your mind, body and spirit needs outweigh carrying out activities that don’t bring me joy.
Allowing ourselves to listen to and trust our Inner Self can feel awkward, illogical, and even unnerving. But through practice, we learn to trust what are our thoughts, our ego and our inner sat navigation as it guides us along our spiritual journey.
So, I encourage you to:
Notice and ask yourself:
what am I feeling here?
What is causing this emotion?
Has this emotion come up before?
More often than not, you are being faced with a situation which is a learning point for you.
Choose how you move forwards. This is your life and no-one else's!
And most of all….
Be kind to yourself. Accept that it takes practice.